Week 6 Nominees

Yeah, I know I have been slow posting the winners. So what? Wanna fight about it? Will be faster this week (maybe/probably), so inspire me.

Week 5: Derek Anderson

Cleveland you have a problem. You have two quarterbacks and both of them are terrible. No, really. You know what the old saying is? If you have two quarterbacks, that means you really have none. Now, on to Derek Anderson. This man is a starting qb and could only manage 2 - 2! - completions. Against the Bills, a team that does not know what rushing the passer even means. That is the very definition of FAIL. This is a man that got the job after overrated whiner extraordinaire, Brady Quinn, got pushed violently onto the bench.

Now I know that two of you suggested Mike Sims-Walker, but how are you going to blame that man for trying to get laid. He needed to get laid to have a good game, he just wasn't smart enough to get a hooker to come to his room. Stop Hatin!

Week 5: Nominees

Excite me!

Week 4 Ho Stable: The St. Louis Rams

The picture on the right perfectly encapsulates why the St. Louis belong in the ho stable. The Rams are about as athletic as the man in the picture. They are about as smart as the man in the picture. They run as fast as the main in the picture. Those are problems. They are sad. They might as well not even field a team. They are terrible, on offense, on defense, and once Limbaugh buys them, they will even be terrible at being owned.

A Haiku for the Rams

Look at the wack Rams.
Miami's defense ran wild.
Hoes sit your ass down.

Week 4 Nominees

Leave 'em and weep.

Week 3 Ho Stable: Drew Brees

Look at this man's casual appearance and relaxed demeanor. This man is Drew Brees. Every year, dear Drew does this to everyone. He starts off smoking hot, throwing a bunch of tds and being cool. And then he relaxes, puts on his flip flops and starts fuckin' up. No touchdowns for Brees this week. That's not a surprise to anyone who's watched his performance over the last couple years. Start hot and then become cold as ice.

Again Brees has finished the season already, even though it just started. If he's the same way in the bedroom, I feel sorry for his wife.

Week 3 Nominees

What's the word? I'm anticipating quite a few from you guys this week. Some of the better teams went down because of some crappy shit.

Week 2 Ho Stable: Tom Brady

Listen up, Tyra Banks! America's Next Top Model, Tom Brady, is fukin' up, for real.

This is a man that is afraid to take a hit. He might mess up his pretty face, and with such shitty stats in week 2, it's obvious he's turned to another career, as a male model/pansy.

TOM: Sit your ass down and let your wife handle the modeling duties. She is clearly much better at it than you are: shit she's even booking major ad campaigns while she's knocked up. You need to focus on football: Throw a few touchdowns, stop throwing interceptions, and stop running for the sidelines every time you see a defensive end running your way. And if you must fucking model, put on the goddamn Stetson hat! That will please everybody.

Week 2 Nominees

Leave 'em here. Make 'em good.

Week 1 Ho Stable: Leodis McKelvin

The quintessential sign that someone should be riding the pine or fucking cut from the team is when they do something insanely stupid and then say they would do it again. That person is Leodis McKelvin. Really, dude? It's not that you fumbled, that happens in 90% of games by even the best players. But saying you would do it again is fucking retarded and everyone knows it.

LEODIS - Sit your punk ass down. No one knew who you were until you fumbled away victory. You do not have to be the hero when your team is already winning. Here's a tip: when the team you are playing just marched down the field in less than a minute and everyone is concerned they will get the ball back, take the fucking knee in the endzone. That's what a hero would do.

No wonder a bunch of kids vandalized your house. No, really. If I were a Bills fan (and thank god I'm not), I would have been right there with them. It's a good thing you refused to press charges. I doubt a jury in Buffalo (or anywhere - it's principle really) would have convicted them. They probably would have convicted you somehow. That's something we can all get behind.

Week 1 Nominees

New season, new bitches. Leave your nominees here!

Week 8 Nominees

Leave 'em here.

Week 7 Ho Stable: Kellen Winslow

The man at left should spend less time on the phone and more time on the field catchin' passes, scorin' touch downs, throwin' blocks or generally being productive.

17 yards sucks. Was he really a first round draft pick? How? Why? What? Will someone please put the browns out of their fucking misery?

Grow up, shut up, and sit your ass down Kellen Winslow!

Also, stop being a bitch! No one is going to call you because you have a Staph infection -- your wife and family care about you, your boss does not. All he cares about is you getting in the end zone, which apparently you are not any good at.

Week 7 Nominees

Pimpin'!

Put 'em right here.

Week 6 Ho Stable: Eli Manning

Poor Eli Manning. I feel bad for Eli sometimes. Sure, he's a punk ass who threatened to go to law school rather than go play for the Chargers as the #1 draft pick. Waaah! What a douche! But you have to admit, it must suck being the second third best QB in your immediate family. Oh wait, there's another brother, so maybe fourth? I don't know.

Now, some genius Giants fan might stumble on this blog and say: "Now hold on! Eli is the reigning Super Bowl MVP, he must not suck." Wrong! The only reason the Giants won the Super Bowl is because Bill Belichek is a douche and a cheater cheater pumpkin eater. The Ragtag Giants winning was funny for pretty much everyone and having Eli be the MVP was the result of every star in the universe aligning at just the right moment and served as the ultimate Fuck You to Belichek from the cosmic force known as Karma.

No, Eli is not really MVP material. Yes, he's a douche. Yes, Eli needs to sit his ass down. Right now. 3 interceptions. 3 interceptions against the Browns. Hello, the Browns are from Ohio, where football goes to die. Yes, he had 196 passing yards, even more if you count all the yards the Browns players got on interception returns. This does not change his allegiance to sucking.

Week 6 Nominees

Your Week 6 nominees belong here and try to think out of the box people. Thanks.

Week 5 Ho Stable: Buffalo's Defense

This picture is the perfect illustration of why Buffalo's Defense and everyone person in it needs to sit down. It's old but the message is clear: the entire Buffalo Defense can't stop even one guy.

One. Damn. Guy. Hos Sit Down!

You are beyond terrible if you let the Arizona Cardinals score 41 points. Arizona. This brings up a number of questions: Has Arizona ever scored 41 points in the history of the franchise? How is Kurt Warner still playing? Wait, who knew that Kurt Warner is still alive? How is Arizona still a team? Do you all remember when Paris Hilton was dating Matt Leinart? Who knew that herpes made you play poorly?

Week 5 Nominees

Your mission, should you choose to accept it: Nominate someone for Week 5 who does not play for a team in Ohio and is not Sarah Palin. Good luck!

Week 4 Ho Stable: Chris Perry

It is getting a little too easy to pick on players from Ohio teams over and over again - like picking on Sarah Palin easy. I think it is because teams in Ohio blow -- both pro and college. Probably high school too, I don't know? I'd put money on it.

I didn't even know who Chris Perry was until this week, but man it turns out he went to Michigan. I wonder if he thinks he is a fucking model too, like tweedle dee and tweedle twat? Probably. I am not picking on Michigan, I swear.

Welcome to the big leagues Chris! Word on the street is that rushing for 28 yards and still coughing up the football means you kinda suck. Maybe he could be McNabb's stunt double on McNabb's shittiest day? Or maybe he could double for Tiger Woods? From the looks of it, Chris is probably not good at golf either. Well then, maybe Chris needs to sit his ass down? I'm sure the Bengals have some depth on the bench that can take up the slack. Nah, we all know that's not true.

Week 4 Nominees

Oh hey! I'm back from vacation and at your service. Your HSD nominees for week four are appreciated and loved.