Monday, August 4, 2008

What about Brett Favre??

It pains me to do this. I love Brett, the Gunslinger, the man with no plan, but who cares? I'd take Favre in his heyday (1996) over Brady, Manning, and all of the rest of these pansy boys who are immobile and afraid to get hit. Throw it downfield Favre! No, wait, 1996 was 12 years ago.

It's time for Favre to sit his ass down.

Favre has been threatening retirement for at least 3 or 4 years now and when he finally did it, everyone was sad sad sad. He cried. Fans cried. John Madden forever lost his nearly perpetual Favre inspired boner.

Now Favre is back and everyone who even remotely follows the NFL is feeling sorry for Aaron Rodgers (wait, who?). Training camp has started but you wouldn't know it with the never ending "What the fuck is Favre going to do? Day 3000" coverage, running nonstop on ESPN and your local sports radio station (AM 1380!). Even the Vikings got in on the act, allegedly tampering and trying to get Favre to go purple, because lord knows Favre's 100 38 year old ass is better than whoever the hell it is that's starting for them now anyway.

Will they trade him? Will they release him? Not yet. Now Favre has to 'compete' for the starting slot that Rodgers secured with his retirement just a few short months ago. We all know exactly what's going to happen. No coach who ever set foot in Wisconsin would dare to bench the all-mighty Favre, even though everyone knows that the only hope the Packers have to really rebuild is to get rid of Favre and the other dead weight and start fresh. Mike McCarthy (related to Joe?) would have to have huge balls made of reinforced steel to put Favre on the bench. I bet that steel would melt when the Packers faithful march down to Lambeau en mass, douse his ass in PBR and light him on fire with a piece of Wisconsin's greatest cheese. He ain't that brave. Expect an announcement about how Favre's still got it (!) near the end of preseason.

Does Favre still have it? It's possible but unlikely. If the Packers don't win the Super Bowl this year, he's never ever going to retire, and we'll still be watching him play 20 years from now. He'll hobble out to the field with a walker and continue to throw 40+ interceptions every season and all the deluded Packers fans will talk about how he's still got it. I'm sure Aaron Rodgers would agree: Favre needs to put on his Wranglers, get out his tractor, and sit his ass down right now.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I can't stand professional athletes who hold their teams hostage. Brett Favre owed the Packers a decision earlier than March, before he gave his pussy-ass "retirement" conference. Then, after a swift kick in the balls, he has the "urge" to play again, and was threatening to hold the Packers hostage, unless they cut or traded him. He got his wish, but he still needs to sit his ass down!