Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Week 4 Nominees

Oh hey! I'm back from vacation and at your service. Your HSD nominees for week four are appreciated and loved.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Week 3 Ho Stable: Jake Delhomme

Yeah, I know I took forever to update this week, but I am on vacation this week and sat around on my ass on a plane for approximately 8000 years. I am now at your service forever and ever and ever. F you and your nomination Adam! Sit your ass down! This week's nominees were difficult because there are so many and then there are so many outside of the football context.

This week's winner is the beautifully awful Jake Delhomme who actually got most people negative points in their leagues and needs to sit his ass down right now. His wonderful stats: 191 yds, 5 sacks, 3 fumbles, 2 of those lost in the ether. There's no way their backup quarterback can be worse than this.

Normally I would say that if you have Jake Delhomme as your starting QB, you deserve whatever the hell happens to your team, because Eureka!, he has been bad forever. But a lot of people have been forced to use him because of Tom Brady's stupid injury and Vince Young's descent into being a pussy. This was Jake Delhomme's time to shine. Instead, he's a shining example of how awful things can be when you have some below average schmoe running your offense.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Week 3: The Nominations Continue

Week 3: time to add more workers to the stable.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Week 2 Ho Stable: Carson Palmer

A wiener eating a hot dogA lot of teams live and die by their QB. If, like me, your QB is Carson Palmer, I'm sure you're picking out grassy plots and headstones for your team. Remember last year when Palmer had that monster game against another weak Ohio team and everyone thought he was the cat's pajamas? Yeah, not so much. As it turns out, Carson Palmer kinda sucks. Photographic evidence, at left.

This week, he had the stats of a champion person who should be working at Burger King: 137 passing yards, no tds, 2 interceptions. Is this man really a starter? Why? There is nothing top flight about this twat. Add his terrible stats to his terrible haircut, and what he needs to do is clear. Carson Palmer, sit your ass down.

Week 2 Nominees

Your thoughtfully considered week 2 nominees should be placed here.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Week 1 Ho Stable: Braylon Edwards

Even Braylon seems confused by his shitty performance.This was not the best week for hoes. Personally, I'm all pissed off at Tom Brady, who will definitely be sitting his ass down (and out) for the whole season. Maybe if he spent more time conditioning and less time cavorting around New York carrying Gisele's purse, he'd be aight. The coveted HSD! award does not go to people who get hurt, however, even if they appear in Stetson ads and refuse to wear the Stetson hat. Geez, what a bitch!

No, our first winner this year is another Michigan grad, Braylon Edwards. This is a man whose website opens to cheering applause and a cartoon version of himself. This is a man who bragged before the Olympics that he would more than double Phelps’ gold-medal total with touchdown catches. Yeah, right. First he needs to try doubling his total in mere yards, then he can move on to touchdowns.
No, Braylon Edwards needs to sit his ass down. 2 receptions - 14 yards - 1 Fantasy point - that's pretty weak sauce by anyone's standards. It was Patently Not Awesome. Yeah, Ocho Cinco (yeah, that's some stupid shit) didn't do much better but his dumb ass didn't drop a bunch of passes either. No, Braylon should spend a little bit less time appearing in Essence Magazine looking for chicks and more time at practice catching and securing the football.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Your Nominees!

Your nominees for this week are appreciated. Yeah, I slacked last week but hey, shit happens or something, I don't know?? Football season is just now starting so any complaints about presason* can kick, thanks.

<---- I have been shackled to this, ok?

*Preseason is a tease anyway.