Thursday, October 22, 2009

Week 6 Nominees

Yeah, I know I have been slow posting the winners. So what? Wanna fight about it? Will be faster this week (maybe/probably), so inspire me.

Week 5: Derek Anderson

Cleveland you have a problem. You have two quarterbacks and both of them are terrible. No, really. You know what the old saying is? If you have two quarterbacks, that means you really have none. Now, on to Derek Anderson. This man is a starting qb and could only manage 2 - 2! - completions. Against the Bills, a team that does not know what rushing the passer even means. That is the very definition of FAIL. This is a man that got the job after overrated whiner extraordinaire, Brady Quinn, got pushed violently onto the bench.

Now I know that two of you suggested Mike Sims-Walker, but how are you going to blame that man for trying to get laid. He needed to get laid to have a good game, he just wasn't smart enough to get a hooker to come to his room. Stop Hatin!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Monday, October 12, 2009

Week 4 Ho Stable: The St. Louis Rams

The picture on the right perfectly encapsulates why the St. Louis belong in the ho stable. The Rams are about as athletic as the man in the picture. They are about as smart as the man in the picture. They run as fast as the main in the picture. Those are problems. They are sad. They might as well not even field a team. They are terrible, on offense, on defense, and once Limbaugh buys them, they will even be terrible at being owned.

A Haiku for the Rams

Look at the wack Rams.
Miami's defense ran wild.
Hoes sit your ass down.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Week 4 Nominees

Leave 'em and weep.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Week 3 Ho Stable: Drew Brees

Look at this man's casual appearance and relaxed demeanor. This man is Drew Brees. Every year, dear Drew does this to everyone. He starts off smoking hot, throwing a bunch of tds and being cool. And then he relaxes, puts on his flip flops and starts fuckin' up. No touchdowns for Brees this week. That's not a surprise to anyone who's watched his performance over the last couple years. Start hot and then become cold as ice.

Again Brees has finished the season already, even though it just started. If he's the same way in the bedroom, I feel sorry for his wife.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Week 3 Nominees

What's the word? I'm anticipating quite a few from you guys this week. Some of the better teams went down because of some crappy shit.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Week 2 Ho Stable: Tom Brady

Listen up, Tyra Banks! America's Next Top Model, Tom Brady, is fukin' up, for real.

This is a man that is afraid to take a hit. He might mess up his pretty face, and with such shitty stats in week 2, it's obvious he's turned to another career, as a male model/pansy.

TOM: Sit your ass down and let your wife handle the modeling duties. She is clearly much better at it than you are: shit she's even booking major ad campaigns while she's knocked up. You need to focus on football: Throw a few touchdowns, stop throwing interceptions, and stop running for the sidelines every time you see a defensive end running your way. And if you must fucking model, put on the goddamn Stetson hat! That will please everybody.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Week 2 Nominees

Leave 'em here. Make 'em good.

Week 1 Ho Stable: Leodis McKelvin

The quintessential sign that someone should be riding the pine or fucking cut from the team is when they do something insanely stupid and then say they would do it again. That person is Leodis McKelvin. Really, dude? It's not that you fumbled, that happens in 90% of games by even the best players. But saying you would do it again is fucking retarded and everyone knows it.

LEODIS - Sit your punk ass down. No one knew who you were until you fumbled away victory. You do not have to be the hero when your team is already winning. Here's a tip: when the team you are playing just marched down the field in less than a minute and everyone is concerned they will get the ball back, take the fucking knee in the endzone. That's what a hero would do.

No wonder a bunch of kids vandalized your house. No, really. If I were a Bills fan (and thank god I'm not), I would have been right there with them. It's a good thing you refused to press charges. I doubt a jury in Buffalo (or anywhere - it's principle really) would have convicted them. They probably would have convicted you somehow. That's something we can all get behind.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Week 1 Nominees

New season, new bitches. Leave your nominees here!