Now, some genius Giants fan might stumble on this blog and say: "Now hold on! Eli is the reigning Super Bowl MVP, he must not suck." Wrong! The only reason the Giants won the Super Bowl is because Bill Belichek is a douche and a cheater cheater pumpkin eater. The Ragtag Giants winning was funny for pretty much everyone and having Eli be the MVP was the result of every star in the universe aligning at just the right moment and served as the ultimate Fuck You to Belichek from the cosmic force known as Karma.
No, Eli is not really MVP material. Yes, he's a douche. Yes, Eli needs to sit his ass down. Right now. 3 interceptions. 3 interceptions against the Browns. Hello, the Browns are from Ohio, where football goes to die. Yes, he had 196 passing yards, even more if you count all the yards the Browns players got on interception returns. This does not change his allegiance to sucking.